I see I have gotten your attention. The truth is I’m not even sure myself where I’m going with this, I’m not even sure I’ll stick to my intended subject.

Perhaps it’s best to start out with a definition of the word cuckold. As defined in the dictionary “A man married to a unfaithful wife.” Simple enough, the guy’s wife cheats. Many men fit this category, for it may surprise you how many wives actually have cheated at least once. But cuckold has come to mean something more, at least according to the many stories written on the internet I read, those stories about men who want their wives to be unfaithful. That does bring up the question of what is unfaithful. Is a woman who has sexual relations with other men with the total approval of her husband really unfaithful? I’m sure this could be debated. But I think not. Being unfaithful, would to most people, be cheating. Having approval is not cheating.

Of course, we’re talking only an open marriage on a one-way street. The expectations of a monogamous husband are both expected and required in cuckoldry.

I think we need to redefine cuckold to mean any husband who wants his wife to have sexual relationships with other men. I further propose that we refine the definition to mean a husband who is at least somewhat obsessed with the idea. Adding further that he constantly craves such an experience. Most do from what I have seen.

I propose we define cuckold to mean a husband who desires his wife to subjugate him to a secondary sexual role by having relationships primarily with other men.

The myriad of motivations of both is less easily defined. Many men are willing to allow his wife the pleasure of a MFM threesome but he’s doing it for both of them. She likes the experience and he likes the thrill of watching. Nothing wrong with that, as they both get something out of it.

On the other extreme, she consents at first to fulfill his fantasy and please him by sleeping with another man. But finding she loved it, she now continues for her own pleasure, often despite or at least oblivious to any objection her husband may raise. Before long she may realize her husband will do just about anything to watch or even hear about her experiences.

Just think of the advantages her life now takes on. She may find that he’ll watch the kids and even straighten up the house while she is gone, or even more. He may even take a role in procuring lovers for her, if she so desired. There may be no limit to what he would do for her, in order to insure that she continues. Oh my god, why did I not think of this sooner? Not only can I live a sexually liberated life of my choice, I can make my life easier.

Since I became a poster here I was contacted by a man who wanted me to teach his wife to be just like me. (I wonder if he’d pay me?) I find this a strange request, as he doesn’t really know me or who I am. For most women like me sex, even cuckold sex with other men, involves emotions you guys can’t understand. Yes it may be just sex but for women sex is still more emotion then it is for men. I can’t teach another woman how to do this. Her decision to do so must begin within your relationship and grow outward from there, as mine did.

After a bit of self discovery, the what and the why of who I was and who I am became more clear to me. I have become stronger and more self aware, and I also realize that I love women almost as much as men. In my mind I’ve probably always been bisexual, one who admittedly hid for most of her adult life, but still the feelings have always been there. I was always attracted to women. Sexually I’m more bisexual then lesbian, but I do believe all women are or can be bisexual. To deny that is just asinine to me. Sex is about pleasure, either sex can do that for women. In many past cultures female bisexuality was the norm not the exception. Women are a part of my sex life, and hence our sex life, which my husband is aware of. His preference remains for my involvement to be mostly with other men, which I am also happy to provide.

We have our preferences as all couples do. He prefers my lovers to be better hung than he. Second, he prefers my lovers to be better than he. This seems silly, as my husband is a giving lover between the sheets. Third, he prefers my lovers to be more dominant than I am accustomed to with him. As a closet submissive this is also my preference.

Last, maybe the most important, is his desire to see me as a sex object, a temporary state of our relationship that is based on lust, not love. I realize that this is part of all fantasies, and often find myself enthralled with that role. Object all you may want, but calling your a wife a cock-sucking whore is the result of lust, not love. Seeing her being a cock-sucking whore with someone else is still lust, not love. Hearing how another man called her a cock-sucking whore on her date is lust, not love. As long as it’s part of your mutual fantasies and part of the lifestyle you both choose, then it’s all good. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as it is part of a larger, loving relationship.

I do not find it offensive to be seen as a sexual object. At times I long for it. It can be a great boost for the soul and the self-esteem. At times in any healthy relationship we see our lovers as a purely sexual object. I can lose myself in such lust even with someone else, as long as I feel secure that it is wrapped within a larger blanket of love and tenderness that I get at home.

I think many fantasies of my husband push the boundaries and often cross into the realm of pure fantasy. What would his reaction REALLY be if I decided I didn’t want to return to a monogamist relationship? How would he feel when some other man picked me up for a date but I didn’t come home that night because the sex was so wonderful? How would he truly react if I developed feelings for the other man? How would he truly feel if I were to tell him that only my lover could now satisfy my sexual needs? How would he really react if his friends knew his loving wife was available to them for their loving? What would he really do if I became pregnant with someone else’s child?

I’ve often heard it said that men usually get their wives into swinging, and then it’s the wife who chooses that they continue that lifestyle. I’m a woman and I can tell you that at some point it becomes less about pleasing your husband and more about enjoying other men. Men, your wife may try it the first time to please you. But if you find that she wants to continue, then you should know that at some point it will become about her pleasure, not yours. Some wives find they like having sex with different partners, and want to continue. It happens for real.

Most of us at some time or other wanted a man other then our husband. Some of us acted on that. I think you men sometimes underestimate our sexual appetite. You confuse control with lack of desire. I assure you, we can be just as lustful as you are. However, we are brought up to show control. Society judges us to be weak and wanting if we do not show control. If we act like men, as concerns sex, we are called sluts. Where is the equivalent term for a man?

In a way it is sad, but we as women are the harshest judges of all, and we judge other women by a much higher standard then we judge you men. That is slowly changing and in many ways that has already changed. Women are already much more accepting of gender preference then you men are. I really think Bill Clinton was lucky he was the president when he was and not ten years from now. The polls show, we as women did not judge Bill badly but we did judge Monica a slut. Someday we’ll wake up and we’ll see that men like Bill are users. When that day comes we may just decide we can be users to. You men may well regret that. We may choose to use you for the same purposes men have always used women.

I do thank you for taking the time to read this. And here’s wishing all of you loving, cuckold husbands the best, may you come home from work next week and find your wife making love to one of your best buddies.

Diane

The politically correct answer would be: “My husband is a cuckold, because that is what he is longing for and because he wants me to lead him to a deeper submission. If he wouldn’t, I wouldn’t do it.”

The answer is correct, and forms part of the reason why I began doing it, but I have to admit, in the presend I make my husband a cuckold because I like it.

I love making love with a man, and I love that my husband does not have the right to have the same priviledges as I have. I admit. I love meeting men, the whole process from the beginning of the meeting until the conclusion. I love my husband and I keep him up to date of things, because I love his support and his deepening submission, I love it when he feels the humiliation, and because I think it’s the role of man in a marriage.

It is part of who I am, what I believe. It is not a game but a way of life, and a statement.

As I said, I love the whole process. I like to flirt, seduce, be seduced by a beautiful man. I like to be asked out on a date. I like to tease my husband about my encounters. I like it when my husband helps me prepare for a new appointment.

I like to go out. I love the game, and to test a man. I like the kiss (the first kiss!), the first caress, to be in
his arms, and yes, I love sex! I like to see my husband before and after, shy, tormented, or otherwise confused. I love this power I feel, and I like what it gives me, and above all I like what it does to my husband.

And I can tell you, you do not know how it feels to really control a man until he is a cuckold, your cuckold, who knows and who is kept chaste throughout the process.

The cuckolding process is so much more then having sex. It is liberating and by allowing it my husband accepts his subservient position. It is a total power exchange of the husband submitting to the dominant female.

It is neither swinging nor wife swapping. It doesn’t happen because my husband craves for it. I would have stopped after the first try. I continued because it increases my pleasure, and because I feel like it. I enjoy every minute of it. Meanwhile, my husband exists to serve me. Everything is for my pleasure, and the frustration of my husband forms part of the pleasure.

It was my husband who brought it up, more then once. He had to convince me. Before I decided to give it a try, I told my husband that if we would do it, it might be permanent. And indeed. There is no way back.

The comment of Barb Stapleton on the article underlines the importance of the work of Dr. Angela Lewis: “An extremely thought provoking article. In view of the author’s reasons for producing this, I hope and pray that counsellors take the time to read and absorb its contents. Understanding not judgement is required in so many situations, particularly if one has no comprehension of the contents of a discussion. The most common reaction has to be to fall back into ones own lifestyle, with no point of reference, and from this viewpoint there can be no understanding only judgement. I am writing this from the point of a heterosexual woman with no experience in any of the lifestyles listed in the Categories, but I do not feel I have any right to question anyone else’s choices.”

“All marriages are happy. It’s living together afterwards that is difficult.”
Anonymous

Once upon a time, you’ll remember, your husband would bring you flowers, open doors for you and generally offer you his open and sincere heart. If your marriage is like most marriages it has grown comfortable and, let’s admit it, stale, over time. “The thrill is gone,” is the lament of so many married couples. Familiarity and routine, recriminations and disappointments, take a predictable toll on happy-every-after relationships. Husbands and wives drift apart, physically and emotionally, or maintain alliances of custom and convenience, keepers of a flickering flame. By the time you hit midlife, your marriage is “settled” and most often things start to cool down. Certain aspects become repetitive as people take each other for granted. The love may still be there but it is a less passionate, more platonic love; a familiar love. In the most negative instances this can lead to increasing unhappiness and frustration and ultimately, in the worst case scenario, infidelity and divorce. Even in the best cases, I will offer, it is less of a marriage than it could be.

If you don’t believe me, allow me to refresh your memory a little. I am now talking to women who are married or who were married before. Remember when you were first dating? Remember how accommodating your future husband was and how all his desires were directed at you? Think back… Remember how he was so sweet and kind. Remember how he used to bring you flowers or little gifts? He would do whatever you wanted to do and go wherever you wanted to go. Do you remember what it was like, how exciting it all was? Remember your wedding day, and the love and romance of your honeymoon? Remember that?  Remember how much you loved him then? Let me ask you this. Has it changed? If so, what do you think changed?

Of course once you got married, your day-to-day interactions will almost always have changed, become more domestic. Maybe relatives or in-laws took more of your time and in many cases children entered the mix. Regardless of this evolution, almost certainly your husband’s attitude changed, didn’t he?

• Did he tend to ignore you?
• Did more and more often something become a fight and/or an argument?
• Did he become a little more selfish?
• Did he start to disrespect you in private or maybe even in public?
• Maybe he started to hang around his friends again or he watched television all the time or he played video games or he surfed the web continuously.
• Did he become absorbed with work and work related activities?
• Did he start to refuse to go with you to visit your friends and family?
• Did he refuse to go with you shopping or to the places that he once loved to go along with you just to be near you?
• Did the flowers and gifts stop?
• Maybe he became cheap and tight with money?
• Then there is the sex. Sex used to happen anywhere or anytime, used to last all night and be so exciting. Now, has it become boring, predictable and fast?

Perhaps you have asked your self, what happened to the passion? What happened to the romantic guy that you were dating? While it is unlikely that all of the above symptoms apply in your particular circumstance, I’m sure virtually every married woman will be able to point to some of the above as prevalent in her marriage.

There seems a sad inevitability in all this. Most wives assume that this is the natural course of marriage like the erosion of a rock by a river or the fading of paint in the sunlight. Love has its seasons, as John Gray reminds us in “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”. It’s folly to expect eternal springtime, perpetual romance. Most marriage counselors would agree. Divorce attorneys can be even more pragmatic. They know that once the cancer of disaffection has spread, the damage is almost always irreversible.

This is not fantasy. This is not theory. The wisdom I share is based on the experience of real wives in a variety of real marriages. This is an important point because as you read this, at first you may not believe it will work or think that it may work for someone else but not for you. If you are skeptical I can only urge that you set aside your skepticism long enough to read, understand, and experiment with the ideas we will discuss. You will be able to reduce your skepticism by taking small steps to gain confidence and satisfying yourself that what I say not only is true but that it does apply to your specific situation.

The fact of the matter is that it is not the absence of love that grinds relationships downward towards tedious routine. Rather, it is a consequence of something that most couples leave behind when they become married: Courtship.

“Courtship was 15 or 16 years ago for my wife and me,” one husband eloquently testified. “Now that we are married, courtship seems a distant memory.”

Consider also the following excerpt from a recent letter to an advice columnist

Dear Ann Landers: I have been married for three years, and my husband and I recently had a baby boy. I adore being a mother, but lately, I’ve begun to have serious questions about my marriage.

“All the romance and passion have dwindled to almost nothing. My husband and I can go for days without so much as a touch, and yet it doesn’t seem to bother him. He used to be very affectionate, but it seems he’s forgotten how. Whenever I try to make time for just the two of us, he is ‘too tired.’ I know he works hard, but I’m becoming frustrated and angry.

I tried to talk to my husband about this recently and asked him, ‘Where did my romantic husband go? Have you seen him?’ He laughed and replied, ‘There is no need for romance after marriage. Guys just do that stuff to get a girl.”

Anything sound familiar?

So what exactly do we mean by courtship and how does it fit in?

Courtship is the act of wooing in love, it is a man seeking the affection of a woman with intent to romance.

By reviving courtship in your marriage you can discover new possibilities of love and passion that you had thought long lost. You can recreate the kind of passionate love in your marriage that you experienced when you were first dating your husband. Working together you can rekindle courtship.

“Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it.”
Helen Rowland (1876-1950)

To understand the essentials of courtship, you must consider the basic character of both men and women. Millions of years of evolution have produced creatures with certain fundamental and immutable characteristics. One of these is that all males have the hunter’s gene within them. They are the hunters, the pursuers, the competitors. Men have hunted and competed for everything throughout the ages from the haunch of a wild boar on the tropical plains of Africa to the possession of a pigskin on a gridiron. Of course one of the greatest prizes that men have always pursued is the affections and attentions of women. Thus, women can be seen as the prize for which men compete, they are the pursued.

Men will work to overcome all manner of obstacles in order to successfully gain their prizes. The gaining of the prize itself though is not always what it seems. Men do not value or respect that which they have won too easily. While prehistoric man would indeed hunt slower, tamer animals for food, it was the hunt of the more ferocious carnivorous animals that would dominate the folklore and lend itself to the creation of art & ornamentation drawn from the slain animals’ remains. Likewise no modern professional football player would value an easily gained victory against a local amateur team. It is the hard-fought victory over equal or preferably even greater odds that has value. In a similar vein, the woman who offers herself too quickly and too easily to men is seldom respected or valued. Many women would no doubt be familiar with acquaintances in their school years who would willingly and eagerly have sex with numerous young males, so-called “easy lays”. These young women would invariably find themselves not respected or highly valued by the men who would so readily partake of her sexual favours.

Therefore we can see that men will value the prize that they pursue in direct proportion to the amount of effort necessary to achieve that particular goal. It is also obvious then that the effort that a man is willing to expend will increase according to the value of the prize he is pursuing. Bringing ourselves back to our courting discussion we can now see that in order for a man to win the prize of his lady, he must expend effort. In most cases a great deal of effort. As discussed the more effort he must expend, the greater will be his perception of the eventual prize. Thus when seeking that most wondrous of prizes, a female’s attention, men are willing to expend prodigious amounts of effort. This is essentially what we see in the dating/ courting phase of male/female relationships. So when we now consider the dating behaviour exhibited by your husband that we discussed at the beginning of this article we see that he was engaged in a chase with your attentions and affections as the prize. For a male there is no greater symbol of the winning of that chase than that of achieving a sexual relationship with his desired woman.

Thus as we can see male sexual desire is, stimulated by challenge. Yes, that’s right. The greater the challenge, the greater the sexual desire. No wonder then that marriage becomes stale. When your husband no longer has to pursue you for sex he loses passion. Your desire for his attention only leads to frustration and disappointment for both of you.

Returning to the concept of courtship, we can now see that effort is an essential element of courtship. A man does not pursue that which he already has. This is the key concept in the loss of courtship in most marriages. Too many marriages proceed on the assumption that the romance has been won, the prize awarded, the chase ended. The most tangible attribute of the romance, sex, may be fun and enjoyable but much of the passion is robbed by the certainty of sex in marriage.

The key to rediscovering courtship in marriage is to withdraw the certainty of the consummated romance. This simple idea leads in all sorts of interesting and exciting directions. The purpose of this article is to explore some of these, to point you in the direction of others and to enable you to rediscover courtship in your marriage and thereby bring back that excitement and passion that has been diminished or lost.

As we move forward in this discussion, I would like all my female readers to understand this is not a one sided campaign. This is fun. F-U-N fun! Whatever you do, both you and your husband will do it together because both of you want to make it happen. You and your husband can really add new dimensions to your marriage and turn each day into a new page in an ongoing novel of romantic play.

We are all attracted to people who exhibit self-confidence. This is only natural.

Courtship is, more than anything else, an act of adoration. To be courted you must summon the self-confidence to expect and demand his adoration, to become the object of his desires. Easier said than done, right? Well, not by much.

The only difficult step, it turns out, is to decide with absolute and unswerving sincerity that your goal is to be worshiped by your husband. We’ll discuss how later but for now, you only must dedicate yourself to that goal. That is not to say that you will measure your self-esteem by your husband’s attention. Rather, you will not accept anything less from your husband than outright worshipful adoration.

Understand that you are worthy of his adoration by the very fact that you are married. You need no further justification than that. You are his wife therefore he should adore you. You have, within you, an erotic potential. That potential was not lost with your youth. It is there still waiting to be reawakened. You must reawaken it within yourself.

To become the object of his worship you must learn to comfortably make the most of your erotic potential with your husband.

This will become the focal point of your new marital relationship. This is not to say that it is a substitute for love. On the contrary, it will become for both of you a new and powerful expression of your love for one another. This will shape and transform your marriage. Your love for him remains certain and unconditional as before. It is romance only, which becomes uncertain and conditional. It is important to distinguish between the two.

Don’t worry if you lack confidence in the beginning. Take baby steps to find your way. Confidence will come with positive results. But do not confuse your lack of confidence with your commitment. Be committed and find your way to fulfilling that commitment. Age is not a factor. Weight is not a factor. Beauty is not a factor. These things are not relevant here. Sexual attraction is 90% mental, only 10% physical. Most women are harder on themselves than are their husbands. You don’t need to be a beauty queen to be a sex goddess. Females have the essence to attract, captivate and hold sway over men. It is within you and you just need to release it. If you will release this powerful female essence within you, you will have your man begging to romance you. It’s all about how you act, not how you look. It’s the attitude.

You don’t have to be skinny. As a matter of fact, many men like a larger woman. However, you don’t want to be fat and you do want to be fit for the sake of your own health and well being. If you are overweight and out of shape, don’t feel bad about yourself and don’t get discouraged. You can lose the weight. It just takes a quality decision. Proper diet and moderate exercise will lead you in that direction. This article is not a primer in weight reduction. There is much excellent information elsewhere for this. But any steps you take will help you to feel so much better about yourself and the better you feel both physically and mentally, the more confident you will be and the more sexual energy that will be radiating from you.

This works for one very simple reason: Your husband needs and wants to worship you. He may not be consciously aware of it but the male psychology fundamentally desires pursuit. As we have already seen, as much as you desire to be courted so your husband desires to court. It’s our nature as human beings. You need only exploit that desire. The nature of this desire is, essentially, sexual. Sex is the goal. And, not coincidentally, it is the means as well. Sexual desire is what stimulates romantic passion.

Exercising your erotic potential then is as simple as placing these hurdles for your husband to overcome in your romantic relationship.

Some husbands who discover their own needs in this regard will go to enormous lengths to persuade their wives to exercise their erotic potential with them. Because of social taboos regarding the exercise of power in relationships it can be difficult for some wives to be comfortable with their erotic potential even when their husbands are begging for it.

So how can you best position these hurdles for your husband? As we have seen the most tangible aspect of romance for your husband is the activity of sex. Based on the biological imperatives in the make up of men, the apex of his sexual activity must be the ejaculation of his semen. Therefore in order to re-stoke the dormant furnace of your husband’s desire it is necessary for the wife to establish control of the incidence and the activities of sex and most importantly to remove the certainty of ejaculation from the sexual equation. Only then will the husband truly realize that his prize must once again be courted and won, on a continual and daily basis. The husband, rather than becoming the conqueror, remains suitor and when the couple goes to bed, courtship continues. Under these playful new arrangements, “making love” retains its older, courtly connotations.

It’s important to understand that men are almost always in the mood for sex. This is the way men are biologically wired. And it is not difficult for men to have orgasms. Men orgasm as a matter of course. A man who is concentrating on achieving his orgasm can do so in a matter of a few minutes. Strictly speaking then, biology has programmed men to engage in an activity that consists of a few minutes of friction leading to ejaculation. You surely noticed that there is no requirement in this process for a woman to climax or even to enjoy the activity. It is only when the sexual needs of women are taken into account that the act of sex turns into something more than the absolute basics above and evolves into love-making. Coincidentally as men learn to accommodate those needs and reciprocate the women’s desires they find their own enjoyment of sexual activity greatly increasing. Thus for example, engaging in lengthy sexual sessions with various acts of foreplay and after play add nothing to the primal urge of the male. However although it does have as its primary and actual goal the pleasure of the female partner, it can also become intensely pleasurable to the male as well, in large part because of his perception that the female is satisfied. Through this the male learns that he can increase and prolong his sexual pleasure at one particular session by postponing orgasm and concentrating on female-centric activities.

George Gilder notes in his book – Men and Marriage: “Women manipulate male sexual desire in order to teach men the long-term cycles of female sexuality and biology on which civilization is based.”

The problem is that, while a husband may genuinely seek to satisfy his wife sexually, his natural, innate tendency is to achieve his primal goal, consummation of intercourse, with a minimal expenditure of energy. Even men who try to overcome these tendencies will only be partially successful. After all, that’s precisely what evolution has bred him to do, that’s how the male of the species maximizes his genetic contribution.

Clearly these goals are in conflict and more often than not, in the passion of making love, it is the primal instincts which win out. He doesn’t mean to be this way, but he is. Only you can change this by taking control of the situation and ensuring that his ejaculation takes place at a suitable time.

As we have seen it is the attention to the female’s needs that have made sex a thoroughly enjoyable activity for both man and woman. Thus you must train your husband that sex is for your benefit, not his. It is not the case that he is no longer to be allowed to enjoy sex. On the contrary, you will find that under the new arrangement he will be more excited and satisfied than ever. It is simply that men want to please women in bed and that when sex is directed at your satisfaction, your husband will inevitably be satisfied as well. His satisfaction may take new and varied forms, but he will definitely increase his satisfaction level along with yours.

The arrangement you want to establish as a couple is simply this: intimate activities happen when you, the wife, want them to happen and how you want them to happen. You do not have sex simply because your husband is aroused. You engage in intimate activity when you are in the mood for it and you decide the type of activity that you are in the mood for. Both man & wife acknowledge that the wife’s satisfaction and pleasure are paramount. The satisfaction that he gains from your sessions will be in direct proportion to the pleasure you experience.

It’s important to understand that at this point we are speaking about a broad range of intimate activity, which will include but is not limited to traditional sexual intercourse. Take for example a situation where you might like a long slow body massage with hot oil. This would be considered by many including this writer as an intimate activity. A massage of this type might well lead to a sexual interlude of some sort, but it is crucial to understand that it need not do so unless you wish it. In many cases perhaps you would like to simply drift off into sleep at the conclusion of such an activity. Too many women would be afraid to have their husband give them such a massage on a regular basis because they would then feel obligated to allow the husband to turn the activity into sexual intercourse irregardless of their desire at the time. Under this program you will make such decisions based on your own particular feelings.

As we move forward in this particular part of the discussion, consider the following excerpt from Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partner Sex by Betty Dodson Ph.D.

The Myth of Foreplay

It's totally understandable why heterosexual men and women want to climax from penis/vagina sex - how convenient, how easy, and how wonderful to have partner sex be consistently and mutually orgasmic. However, if Romeo's firm penis moving sweetly inside Juliet's wet vagina provides orgasms for nearly every man and a mere handful of women, what are we going to do about the majority of women who cannot climax from vaginal penetration alone? We can broaden our definition of partner sex to include some form of direct stimulation of a woman's clitoris either manually or with a vibrator during heterosexual lovemaking.

Let's start with the concept of foreplay. Women's magazines as well as many sex books emphasize the importance of "foreplay" for couples. We are told that women want more of it and men don't do enough of it. It's been my observation that a little appetizer of kissing, breast fondling, and clitoral touching before the main course of penetration is seldom enough to satisfy the sexual appetite of most red-blooded women. Just as she is getting excited from some form of direct clitoral contact, he stops and penetrates her vagina. While he is enjoying his ideal erotic sensation with his penis moving inside her, she is now struggling to get a little indirect clitoral contact, which for most women can't compare to consistent clitoral stimulation all the way to orgasm.

Imagine a man being told he can rub his penis inside a woman's vagina as foreplay, but when it's time for his orgasm, she must be sitting on his face penetrating his mouth with her clitoris. This will give him a "mature oral orgasm." He must not reach down and touch his penis while she's fucking him in the mouth or she'll think her clitoris isn't big enough to provide his orgasm. To protect her female ego, he ends up faking orgasm, but he figures it's worth it to keep the peace. Later on he can masturbate in the bathroom, or if she's a sound sleeper, he can finish himself off in bed providing he can come while holding his breath and not moving so as not to wake her.

Instead of using the word "foreplay," we need to think of a new term to use, such as "sexplay." Most women desire clitoral pleasure in the beginning of, during, and sometimes even after partner sex, if she wants to come again.

As Ms. Dodson illustrates there is more to sex than simply the penetration of the vagina with the penis. Penetrative intercourse does not have to be the omnipresent “main course” of a couple’s sex life. A sexual experience need not consist of a series of brief appetizers followed by the sexual main course of intercourse. In fact each pleasurable activity is in itself worthy of being a main course. There are times when one enjoys a 5 course meal but very often a single course meal will also suffice. You should feel free to choose such a single course from the entire smorgasbord of sexual & intimate activity available to you.

Here are a few suggestions that you might want to explore with your husband.

“Ever just want to talk, take him shopping with you, take quiet walks together, share special moments, or just hold hands?” a wife asks. “Now you will have the tools to make it happen. How about a good, old-fashioned necking session on the couch like when you were teenagers? Kissing games? The list is limited only by your imagination.”

A great number of wives report being able to interest their husbands in assisting with their beautification and grooming regimens. Their husbands gladly, even eagerly assist in giving the wife a bath, toweling her off, shaving her legs, combing her hair, giving her a pedicure or similar grooming activities. They enjoy these activities in part because they know they are pleasing their wives, but they also perceive in part that they are preparing their wives, making them more attractive and desirable for themselves. Have you ever had your husband trim or shave your pubic hair? What about his? In preparation for social activity, think about having your husband assist you with your lingerie, helping you put your nylons on or helping with other articles of clothing. By accenting the sensuality of these activities it is possible to create a certain level of stimulation while also benefiting from your husband’s attention.

The concept we are developing is not that these are favors your husband does for which you pay with sex. Rather these activities are an end in themselves and it is you who are doing your husband the favor by allowing him proximity to your highly desirable self. A byproduct might certainly be that these attentions might tend to put you in the mood for intimate activity, but that must be a case by case decision with no automatic link to be construed.