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Putting theory into action

April 7, 2010

Let us now turn to specific practical advice. Following is a suggested approach designed to bring both of you into a comfort zone wherein the certainty of sex and ejaculation is replaced with an ongoing erotic aura. You will most likely achieve positive results following these steps as described but you should also feel free to adapt them to your own particular circumstances. For example, some couples may be comfortable enough jumping in at a particular stage or be willing to skip steps, others may want to linger at each step or even add their own variations to the process. As long as you end up at the same destination, your route is not overly important.

As we consider how to implement our new philosophy, a great many wives would interject that sex with their husbands always ends in intercourse and ejaculation. How does one move away from that habit to this new paradigm? First, as we have seen and as the following passage indicates, immediate ejaculation is not the all-encompassing essential goal for men despite what most women might believe. Second, as with most aspects of human behaviour the answer is to take a gradual approach.

Learning how to lengthen the arousal and erection period while delaying orgasm is an important part of maximizing enjoyment from sex. As the erection proceeds, the physical sensations become increasingly more and more exciting, and the psychological pressure to ejaculate becomes more and more intense. The trick is to lean to keep the stimulation just below the level required for ejaculation while learning to deal with the increasing psychological pressure to ejaculate. Like driving a racing car closer and closer to a wall at ever high speeds, the psychological pleasure becomes more and more intense, the longer the arousal can be maintained without ejaculation, but the greater the enjoyment for the man. Furthermore, the longer this stage can be maintained, the more powerful and enjoyable the orgasm will be for the man. Thus, developing skills for doing this and dealing with the psychological desire to ejaculate for as long as possible are essential for the full enjoyment of partner (and solo) sex, and this is what requires practice. Women usually require a somewhat longer period of time to become fully aroused, so being able to delay orgasm potentially increases the enjoyment of sex by both partners.

Many women believe that men are happier the more frequently they can have intercourse. This is not really accurate. What men truly enjoy is being aroused with their partner (and as their partner is also aroused) while both remain in an aroused state for a long period of time, delaying orgasm for as long as is comfortable and possible.

Understanding Male Sexuality by David Sebringsil.

The first step in this evolution is to establish in both your mind and your husbands mind the link between his ejaculation and your consent. As the Lady who is courted, it is very important to your husband to please you. As we have also seen, undergoing a trial or challenge for that purpose is stimulating to the male and is as time-honored and established as the behaviour of the medieval knights undertaking quests on behalf of their Ladies. Therefore at this stage you simply want to establish the request and consent structure that will be an important part of your interaction. This is as simple as getting your husband to tell you before he ejaculates and ensuring he asks your consent to do so. At this initial stage this is essentially your husband wanting to ensure that you have been sufficiently stimulated during your lovemaking session and that the mutual timing is right for him to orgasm and consequently end the session. After the male ejaculates, it is rare for love making to continue.

Therefore when the husband approaches his peak, he should ask his wife in terms that she is comfortable with for her approval of his orgasm. At this stage, I would recommend that the wife assent, usually in an enthusiastic manner and let him proceed to his climax. As noted, the purpose of this stage is to connect in both the husband and wife’s mind the act of ejaculation with the approval from the wife for such action. This process of request & consent will form the basis of what follows.

Soon the wife should start to use this link to time the husband’s ejaculation to coincide with her desires. The difference between this stage and the previous one is that now the wife’s assent will not automatically immediately follow the husband’s request. Therefore when the husband asks to ejaculate, the wife will now seek to delay his orgasm till the moment that she prefers. This may entail a delay of a few seconds to several minutes or longer depending on circumstances. Even if she has experienced a satisfactory sexual session to this point and sees no particular sensory advantage to herself in delaying his orgasm when he asks, it is important at this stage to deny the initial request. Thus making the husband wait, even if only a matter of a few seconds establishes her assent as the primary trigger for his orgasm.

The goal at this juncture is to condition both husband and wife to the concept that approval need not necessarily follow immediately after request. There is no automatic immediate rubber-stamp to the husband’s request but rather a conscious decision made by the wife. You have the right and authority to in fact delay your approval till that moment in time that meets your preference.

As your comfort level increases with the concept of approving your husband’s ejaculation, you will now move to the stage where the husband will really begin to appreciate the fact that there are hurdles in the path of his pursuit of his wife. At this stage in your intimate activities, the husband will ask for permission from his wife to ejaculate as usual. Now, however, you will raise the hurdle that the husband must overcome to please you. You must answer in the negative when he asks to ejaculate. Your love making session should continue to supply you with the quantity and quality of stimulation that you desire but it must conclude without the husband’s ejaculation. This will establish an important milestone in your relationship. You will have definitely shown that you are in control of the lovemaking process. Your husband will no longer be able to take for granted that your romantic interludes will result in a “capture of the prey”. As a consequence, you will now stretch out your husband’s pursuit of you over an extended period.

The first time you engage in a sexual activity with your husband that has as its sole purpose, pleasing you, it will quite possibly feel somewhat exotic and a little foreign to your experience. But as you get over the novelty of the event you will find it a tremendously empowering and erotically fulfilling experience. Some women say they get an erotic power rush from this experience, however some say they feel guilty or bad for their husbands. This is often the most difficult moment for many women who follow this program. I always feel it essential to once again remind women at this point that everything in this program is consensual for both husband and wife and requires whole-hearted support from both. Also you must keep in mind that ejaculation is not denied to your husband, merely rationed and that this is all part of a process to enable you and your husband to rekindle your romantic love. By this important step of not consenting to his ejaculation, essentially the love making session has not closed off for him but continues into the next day and throughout the day. It extends and intensifies the husband’s pleasure, saving him from a quick release followed by an even quicker loss of desire–climax and anti-climax and produces a sexual tension that far exceeds the short-lived orgasm in excitement and intensity.

As one husband reported,

“My wife plays me like a fiddle. But don’t get me wrong. I’m not protesting, I’m bragging. I’m right where I want to be, in her clutches, and wouldn’t trade places with any man on earth. I’ve discovered that the joy of constant arousal far outweighs the momentary experience of ejaculation.”

Another husband, who is rationed, admitted that,

“It is a very erotic experience for me. Even at work she is constantly on my mind.”

A third writes,

“My wife likes to kiss me, hug me, get me all excited, then send me off to work. Her feelings and thoughts and touches remain on my mind all day long and I just can’t wait for the day to end so I can see her. Therefore, when we finally have sex at her choosing, it is such an exciting time for me.”

Once you pass this important milestone, you will find in your subsequent love making session that your husband will be more enthusiastic, more caring, more interested in pleasing you. Enjoy his attentions, revel in his adoration. When he does ask to ejaculate, you will probably want to give him some positive feedback and approval so I recommend you only delay him a few minutes and then you grant your permission. You will no doubt see him experience a tremendous rush when he does have his orgasm.

By now you will have established that you are a prize to be highly desired; one that is not easily gained and one that requires your husband to expend considerable effort to attain. There is no more automatic capture of this prize. The hunter must now be more alert and use all his skills more diligently to capture his prey. Accomplishing this will be the link in both your minds that the incidence of his ejaculation is rationed and now at your direction. Therefore at this point you will now need to stretch out your level of management. This will mean rationing your husband’s orgasm at not only one lovemaking session but at the next 2 or 3 subsequent sessions also. The rate of permission should be varied according to your own schedule. You are now establishing that you need to be pursued over a longer period than the few days between subsequent love making sessions. The pursuit and courtship must be constant and continual. This extended outcome plays with your husband’s mind, increasing his excitement. Meanwhile, ongoing intimate activities – activities that need not be confined to the bedroom – also work to his advantage. He experiences an increase in sexual excitement, with an intensity he has probably not known since adolescence. Only his game-ending climaxes are reduced.

You will soon find that the more you manage your husband’s ejaculations, the more he will desire and pursue you. This will result in more attention, more caring, more love, more romance, in short … more courtship. As you move into this phase you will need to establish the balance point at which it becomes wisest to grant your husband his orgasm. Depending on your age, lifestyle and the frequency of your sexual sessions before you began this program, you will need to decide on a starting point and work from there. I usually advise younger couples who might have sex 3 or more times a week to start at allowing orgasm at weekly intervals, middle-aged couples (with more involved lifestyles, possibly with children) who might be having sex 1 or 2 times a week could start with a bi-weekly orgasm. Wherever you start, you will need to gradually start increasing the length of time between orgasms until you reach the point of maximum effectiveness. This will be the point at which the caring and romance start to turn towards irritation and negative behaviour. When you see this type of behaviour developing, you should back off the length slightly and use this as your guidepost going forward. Timeframes that couples use can vary from 14 – 21 days to as much as 90 days or longer. Typically 30 days is not unusual for couples in their 30’s or 40’s. As in all we have discussed previously, be prepared to listen to your husband’s feedback, both verbal and non-verbal to guide you to the best balance.

Once you reach this stage and settle in at an appropriate level all you need do is maintain this level as you move forward. It should be obvious that implied in this program will be the fact that you should be setting a scheduled day for the next ejaculation in advance. This may well be as simple as deciding that the first Saturday of the month is your preferred day or may involve a more elaborate scheduling mechanism. In any case, the request/consent mechanism we have discussed should remain in place throughout. To keep things interesting, the next date should only be known by you. This will keep up the suspense and maintain your husband’s attentiveness. As such, “spot decisions” during your love making sessions are not recommended. You will invariably be distracted by your own sensations and find it difficult to make such decisions. Therefore it is highly recommended that you make your schedule at some prior moment and then stick to it. Some degree of variation of the date can also be used to maintain a healthy degree of anticipation for you both.

As you become more comfortable with the cycle you can even experiment with changing the scheduled date based on your husband’s performance. Consider awarding “bonus points” for exceptional performance by your husband. These can be used to shorten the interval till the next ejaculation date. On the flip side deduct points for undesirable behavior on your husband’s part. These negative points will lengthen the cycle. This type of carrot & stick approach can add a whole new level of playfulness to the program.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 7, 2011 5:14 pm

    Just filled in the request for notification of further posts & comments

  2. August 6, 2014 11:56 pm

    I wonder if the man above who was being “played like a fiddle” was in a chastity device?

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