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Commentary On The Cuckold Husband

May 7, 2011

by Diane M.

I see I have gotten your attention. The truth is I’m not even sure myself where I’m going with this, I’m not even sure I’ll stick to my intended subject.

Perhaps it’s best to start out with a definition of the word cuckold. As defined in the dictionary “A man married to a unfaithful wife.” Simple enough, the guy’s wife cheats. Many men fit this category, for it may surprise you how many wives actually have cheated at least once. But cuckold has come to mean something more, at least according to the many stories written on the internet I read, those stories about men who want their wives to be unfaithful. That does bring up the question of what is unfaithful. Is a woman who has sexual relations with other men with the total approval of her husband really unfaithful? I’m sure this could be debated. But I think not. Being unfaithful, would to most people, be cheating. Having approval is not cheating.

Of course, we’re talking only an open marriage on a one-way street. The expectations of a monogamous husband are both expected and required in cuckoldry.

I think we need to redefine cuckold to mean any husband who wants his wife to have sexual relationships with other men. I further propose that we refine the definition to mean a husband who is at least somewhat obsessed with the idea. Adding further that he constantly craves such an experience. Most do from what I have seen.

I propose we define cuckold to mean a husband who desires his wife to subjugate him to a secondary sexual role by having relationships primarily with other men.

The myriad of motivations of both is less easily defined. Many men are willing to allow his wife the pleasure of a MFM threesome but he’s doing it for both of them. She likes the experience and he likes the thrill of watching. Nothing wrong with that, as they both get something out of it.

On the other extreme, she consents at first to fulfill his fantasy and please him by sleeping with another man. But finding she loved it, she now continues for her own pleasure, often despite or at least oblivious to any objection her husband may raise. Before long she may realize her husband will do just about anything to watch or even hear about her experiences.

Just think of the advantages her life now takes on. She may find that he’ll watch the kids and even straighten up the house while she is gone, or even more. He may even take a role in procuring lovers for her, if she so desired. There may be no limit to what he would do for her, in order to insure that she continues. Oh my god, why did I not think of this sooner? Not only can I live a sexually liberated life of my choice, I can make my life easier.

Since I became a poster here I was contacted by a man who wanted me to teach his wife to be just like me. (I wonder if he’d pay me?) I find this a strange request, as he doesn’t really know me or who I am. For most women like me sex, even cuckold sex with other men, involves emotions you guys can’t understand. Yes it may be just sex but for women sex is still more emotion then it is for men. I can’t teach another woman how to do this. Her decision to do so must begin within your relationship and grow outward from there, as mine did.

After a bit of self discovery, the what and the why of who I was and who I am became more clear to me. I have become stronger and more self aware, and I also realize that I love women almost as much as men. In my mind I’ve probably always been bisexual, one who admittedly hid for most of her adult life, but still the feelings have always been there. I was always attracted to women. Sexually I’m more bisexual then lesbian, but I do believe all women are or can be bisexual. To deny that is just asinine to me. Sex is about pleasure, either sex can do that for women. In many past cultures female bisexuality was the norm not the exception. Women are a part of my sex life, and hence our sex life, which my husband is aware of. His preference remains for my involvement to be mostly with other men, which I am also happy to provide.

We have our preferences as all couples do. He prefers my lovers to be better hung than he. Second, he prefers my lovers to be better than he. This seems silly, as my husband is a giving lover between the sheets. Third, he prefers my lovers to be more dominant than I am accustomed to with him. As a closet submissive this is also my preference.

Last, maybe the most important, is his desire to see me as a sex object, a temporary state of our relationship that is based on lust, not love. I realize that this is part of all fantasies, and often find myself enthralled with that role. Object all you may want, but calling your a wife a cock-sucking whore is the result of lust, not love. Seeing her being a cock-sucking whore with someone else is still lust, not love. Hearing how another man called her a cock-sucking whore on her date is lust, not love. As long as it’s part of your mutual fantasies and part of the lifestyle you both choose, then it’s all good. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as it is part of a larger, loving relationship.

I do not find it offensive to be seen as a sexual object. At times I long for it. It can be a great boost for the soul and the self-esteem. At times in any healthy relationship we see our lovers as a purely sexual object. I can lose myself in such lust even with someone else, as long as I feel secure that it is wrapped within a larger blanket of love and tenderness that I get at home.

I think many fantasies of my husband push the boundaries and often cross into the realm of pure fantasy. What would his reaction REALLY be if I decided I didn’t want to return to a monogamist relationship? How would he feel when some other man picked me up for a date but I didn’t come home that night because the sex was so wonderful? How would he truly react if I developed feelings for the other man? How would he truly feel if I were to tell him that only my lover could now satisfy my sexual needs? How would he really react if his friends knew his loving wife was available to them for their loving? What would he really do if I became pregnant with someone else’s child?

I’ve often heard it said that men usually get their wives into swinging, and then it’s the wife who chooses that they continue that lifestyle. I’m a woman and I can tell you that at some point it becomes less about pleasing your husband and more about enjoying other men. Men, your wife may try it the first time to please you. But if you find that she wants to continue, then you should know that at some point it will become about her pleasure, not yours. Some wives find they like having sex with different partners, and want to continue. It happens for real.

Most of us at some time or other wanted a man other then our husband. Some of us acted on that. I think you men sometimes underestimate our sexual appetite. You confuse control with lack of desire. I assure you, we can be just as lustful as you are. However, we are brought up to show control. Society judges us to be weak and wanting if we do not show control. If we act like men, as concerns sex, we are called sluts. Where is the equivalent term for a man?

In a way it is sad, but we as women are the harshest judges of all, and we judge other women by a much higher standard then we judge you men. That is slowly changing and in many ways that has already changed. Women are already much more accepting of gender preference then you men are. I really think Bill Clinton was lucky he was the president when he was and not ten years from now. The polls show, we as women did not judge Bill badly but we did judge Monica a slut. Someday we’ll wake up and we’ll see that men like Bill are users. When that day comes we may just decide we can be users to. You men may well regret that. We may choose to use you for the same purposes men have always used women.

I do thank you for taking the time to read this. And here’s wishing all of you loving, cuckold husbands the best, may you come home from work next week and find your wife making love to one of your best buddies.


25 Comments leave one →
  1. Kim permalink
    September 27, 2011 4:43 pm

    I agree there are harsher judgments of women. However, if a relationship is truly open, it needs to be open on both sides, meaning the man can have sex with other women. This seems fair. But why would so many women object to this? If a woman want to enjoy other men, then a man should be able to enjoy other women. This seems fair.

  2. lifegoson permalink
    October 26, 2011 1:25 am

    I allow my wife to have sex with other males. While our relationship has been open and we both at one time enjoyed the company of the opposite sex, we now just have the wife enjoying the company. This was brought on with a medical condition for me and after discussion we agreed that she should not give up her pleasures just because of my problems. Sometimes I watch, sometimes I don’t. When I don’t I know the male fairly well by then. Funny as you may think this is, I get aroused by these actions and it is now the only time I can find release. I now enjoy watching her get ready before hand and then hearing about her exploits afterwards. I am thinking about taking this even farther with me actually participating in her play. While I am not gay or consider myself bi, I think I would enjoy just being active with her no matter what it takes. I even think that if i needed to become a bit of a sissy it would probably happen even though if you knew me you would figure that could never happen. If it pleases her then I am all for anything on the list. Oh, we are both in our late 50s and have been married for over 35 years. 20 of them being open and 8 of those 20 being more one sided by choice.

  3. Joyce permalink
    January 2, 2012 3:11 pm

    I also really do cuckold my husband . We have been married 12 years and been lifestyle cuckold for almost two . I had my tubes tied just for cuckolding . It has greatly improved our sex life and marriage . I would love to chat or talk to other women who also really cuckold there husband . I can voice verify and dont want a bunch of horned up guys . If your a cuckolding female like myself please email me at

    • Rob permalink
      July 15, 2013 10:49 am

      I am 49 years old and have a 5 inch cock and have become older and unfit. We are very much in love and enjoy fantasizing about her fucking other men. However, when I ask my wife is she wants to take the fantasy to reality, she says MAYBE. What do you think her MAYBE really means?

      I am quite excited about seeing my wife making out with another man and always buy her nice sexy dresses that she can wear to night clubs with her girl friends and I encourage her to flirt with other men at night clubs.

      Do you think my wife’s MAYBE means she is wanting to open her legs for other men or is she just saying this to play along?



  4. jim permalink
    January 3, 2012 2:51 am

    why bother to label a behavior, i have had sex with other women but my wife has many men whenever she desires. She has men alone but her favorite is to have me present and involved. I do not like the taste of cum but i lick it off her nipples and from her pussy and often have another mans big cock in my mouth filling it with his cum. I know she enjoys this so it is not an issue for me. I would be content if she had several permanent lovers and it would not bother me if she chose to spend a night with one. Everyone has their own sense of fun and games

  5. jayne permalink
    January 25, 2012 1:56 am

    I can not tell you what a joy it was to read these comments, My long term partner (7 yrs) and I took a long time to get to where we are now, for me i was a battered wife and he was devasted by his ex wife’s unfaithfullness. When we met….i think he felt guilty about these cuckold feelings and I felt he couldn’t love me if he wanted to share me….we have grown and now both enjoy it on a regular basis, Thankyou for posting, jayne

  6. trix permalink
    June 28, 2012 3:26 am

    my husband is already bugging me of sleeping with other men in front of him. The thought sickens me to be honest but reading this article opened my mind a bit. I just hope I’d just get used to the idea. Whenever I sway the topic of me having sex with others, he threatens of leaving our relationship and that’s not what I wanted. So, I hope I’d get to do it someday for him.. Thanks!

    • tom permalink
      November 27, 2013 1:41 pm

      it is like food what we dind gross often once we try it we like it, sex is sex

  7. Jeannie jones permalink
    September 24, 2012 6:47 pm

    It was very enlightening. Thank you. Please email me

  8. John permalink
    September 26, 2012 2:17 pm

    I was a normal guy who believed my wife very much and never expected her to cheat on me. I was informed and given proof of her sleeping with a guy whom she met in my absence. I was shattered and angry and wanted to trash her but at the same time I found that the thought and anger gave me a hard on. and to be frank I had cheated her very cleverly without any trace. I did not want to punish her for the same mistake which I was lucky to conceal. I used to taunt her for fun asking to have sex with guys before the incident.Anyway now I am a cuckhold and enjoy her sex with a friend whom I selected for her who is younger than me. We are having great time s together.

  9. Sexy Floridian permalink
    October 23, 2012 9:45 pm

    Hello Diane and Joyce

    Nice to read your posts. Very interesting.

    We are a happily married couple, and have been married for 11 years. Whenever we make love, we ALWAYS fantasize about my wife opening her legs for another man. It makes her very horny and excited though we usually climax by my playing with my cock and my wife playing with her clitoris. So she does not get to have vaginal orgasms and has clitoral orgasms, which she enjoys.

    My cock is only 5 inches but reasonably thick. My wife says she is happy with it. However, I am 14 years older than her and with my middle age I am quite unfit also. Moreover, I love my wife very much and would love to see her have a more handsome, more successful, richer and more well endowed man as a regular lover. I think my wife would also like that.

    When I ask my wife if she would like to fuck another man for REAL, she says MAYBE. Can anyone here help me understand what a MAYBE from a woman really means.



    Our email is


  10. James permalink
    January 25, 2013 12:34 am

    Thank you so much for writing that piece. You are exactly right on the same things I know and have discovered. I am currently writing my life experiences to show what most men don’t understand and why I do. It’s amazes me that men do not adhere to the saying “be careful what you ask for!” Women are ten times the sexual predator than men. They just try to suppress it. And yes what is wrong with women doing what men do. How come its okay for a man to require a blow job for a women to get something. I would love the day women were equal on this. You sound very grounded and realize the truth.

  11. Jenks permalink
    April 11, 2013 11:33 pm

    It took me quite a few years to let my wife know that the thought of her spreading her thighs for another man excited me, and quite a few more years before she agreed to try it. So we ended up in a hotel room whilst another man fucked her, and once he was done, I made love to her. I use those words carefully, because in our life we make a distinction between the pure unadulterated lust when another man ‘uses’ her, and the tenderness/closeness that exists between us. Not all cuckolds are the ‘stay at home’ housekeeping types (I’m certainly not), but I do find her a selection of men to choose from, book the room, drive her there…!

  12. June 10, 2013 12:58 am

    I think the baseline definition of a cuckold relationship is when a wife sleeps with other men while her husband remains monogamous. That’s it. Beyond that, it’s up to each couple to determine the details of what works for them in the relationship. There are many variables to consider and I don’t think you can say this or that variable is what constitutes cuckolding. While submissiveness and humiliation are a big part of the fantasy for many men and that’s reflected in many online sites, I would bet it’s far less common in real life, at least in proportion to what you see online. I would bet a greater proportion of real life cuckolds simply enjoy watching their wive’s have sex with other men.

  13. Rob permalink
    July 15, 2013 10:51 am

    I am 49 years old and have a 5 inch cock and have become older and unfit. We are very much in love and enjoy fantasizing about her fucking other men. However, when I ask my wife is she wants to take the fantasy to reality, she says MAYBE. What do you think her MAYBE really means?

    I am quite excited about seeing my wife making out with another man and always buy her nice sexy dresses that she can wear to night clubs with her girl friends and I encourage her to flirt with other men at night clubs.

    Do you think my wife’s MAYBE means she is wanting to open her legs for other men or is she just saying this to play along?



    • James permalink
      July 16, 2013 6:44 pm

      Rob, I believe her answer of “maybe” is both fantasy and reality. Only you know the context of which it was said. Since you both are very much in love I would have to assume your communication has been honest and truly understood. This choice can have a very positive outcome if all steps are taken correctly. Women of course have fantasies and its usually about someone they know. But it’s a slippery conflicting slope for them emotionally. Love is not enough she has to be communicated about this desire in depth. The biggest failure of couples in any area of fantasy intimacy is lack of communication and rushing into something they are not ready for. There can be no “change of heart” after the fact. If her maybe answer to you is out of love and honesty towards you it very well may be a yes.

      • Rob permalink
        July 16, 2013 6:48 pm

        Thanks James,

        Appreciate your comments. I am very much looking to see my gorgeous and sweet wife open her legs for a man who is better endowed, richer and more powerful than me.

        My wife has this thing for rich men. Is that normal for a cuckolding fetish?


      • James permalink
        July 16, 2013 7:29 pm

        I think rich and powerful thing is more a “normal” fantasy wrapped up into another. She would get a common “taken” or “dominated” fantasy fulfilled also. A very good thing to happen after all it’s about her enjoyment and both of you having a positive bonding to each other. “Normal” is only what feels right to you both. Whatever or however you do it doesn’t matter as long as it works for you guys.

      • Rob permalink
        July 18, 2013 3:23 pm

        Thanks James

        Is there an email address where we can reach you in private to discuss more things than we can on this public forum

        Our email is

      • James permalink
        July 18, 2013 3:59 pm

        Sent you email address

  14. Manny permalink
    July 21, 2013 12:23 pm

    This URL link provides a pretty informative view point on the practices of cuckolding.

  15. Rob permalink
    September 1, 2013 7:23 pm


    so do you think cuckolding is bad ?


  16. larry permalink
    November 4, 2013 12:10 am

    I have been asking ,or telling my wife that I want to see her with another man .at first she said I was sick now she seems to accept it but hasent agreed yet

  17. Frank permalink
    November 24, 2013 5:11 pm

    My wife and I began swinging with two close friends after I began my studies at the university. At first, it began as a game. When one of the wives told my wife how much she enjoyed having sex with the other two husbands. She also explained that her husband, Bob, was bisexual and would like to have sex with me!
    What a surprise. To both of us.
    We agreed she’s like to have me present the next him he and she were going to have sex, and it became a three way. I discovered that I too have a bi side but I need to explain that my interest in sucking his cock is secondary to her enjoyment of it first.
    He and I are the same age, and physically similar, both having six-inch cocks.
    Where we once enjoyed the playing around and swapping sex partners has grown to a more open group with an occasional new man added.
    From time to time, Bob has asked my wife for permission to have sex with him. For me it’s a fantasy come true. When he tells me she’s given him permission and he’s going to use me as well.
    The definition of cuckold had taken on a whole new dimension.

  18. November 11, 2014 1:51 pm

    Reblogged this on fmevideos and commented:
    Commentary On The Cuckold Husband

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