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Better Spouses | Punishment

January 1, 2013

TOWARD A FANTASTIC MARRIAGE: How and why Domestic Discipline works.

An essay by Vivian (part 3).


Though this component of your new relationship with your husband may be more difficult to embrace than the first, don’t tune out yet. Punishment is essential to projecting power and you’ll be amazed at the effect it has on your marriage.

As stated earlier, a wife must strictly forbid her husband to masturbate. That prohibition must be enforced in order to be effective. Your husband must know that if he does masturbate he will be in trouble with you. That trouble will include by its very nature a certain measure of shame and embarrassment, but it must also be tangible.

Some of you may be thinking I shouldn’t have to punish my husband as if he were a child. He’s a grown adult for God’s sake. Others who know better may be thinking, I have no problem with the idea of punishing my husband, but he is bigger and stronger than me and I don’t think he would simply agree to accept punishment from me. The answer to those thoughts are “Yes, you do” and “Yes he will.”

I understand those of you who think it shouldn’t be necessary to punish your husband. It might be better (though less fun) if husbands didn’t need to be punished or threatened with punishement to behave wonderfully. That might be nice, but it won’t happen. Men don’t truly understand a thing until they have felt it.

The thing to remember is that most wives attempt to punish their husbands somewhat regularly but in less effective, indirect and passive/aggresive ways. Those ways do not usually work well because the husband usually doesn’t understand what is happening and if he does, he resents being manipulated in such weak and cowardly ways. Men respect strength. The woman who punishes her husband in a forthright manner wins his respect and adoration. A woman who attempts to punish her husband in weak and indirect ways earns his disregard and even contempt.

As for your concern that your husband will not accpet punishment from you, I can assure you that most men will actually welcome the idea. This is discussed further in the section Why This Works. For now, the thing to know is that men are chock full of sexual fantasies that they rarely act out or tell anyone, especially their wives, about. Among those fantasies is a fascination with the idea of being dominated by a powerful woman. When you discipline your husband you tap into that fantasy in order to benifit yourself, your husband, your marriage and your family. Another reason he will acquiesce to your discipline is the control you have taken over his ejaculation. When he has become accustomed to awaiting your permission to ejaculate, he will obey you without rebellion.

You may wonder, if he secretly wants to be punished doesn’t the punishment become a reward and accomplish the opposite of its intent? The short answer is no. For most men it is not the punishment, but the power of the woman doing the punishing, that arouses. A good, hard spanking hurts and is humiliating while it is happening. The notion that you have or may at any time cause him those feelings makes you excruciatingly desirable to him. There are two components to a Domestic Discipline agreement.. There is a game-type aspect and a serious aspect to it. The game aspect wins his cooperation. The serious aspect makes it an effective behavioral modifier. This question is explained further in the FAQs section.

Punishement can take many forms: a simlple scolding, a time-out in the corner, a mouthwashing, a humiliating demand, a spanking, a chastity device. The foundation for them all is the spanking. The experience of being spanked hard by you makes him more cooperative with the less physical punishments. By this I do not mean a simple slap on the buttocks. That can be used, if you like as playful foreplay. What I mean is a serious, over-the-knee, bare-bottomed, hard spanking with something other than your hand. You may begin with your hand if your like, but in order for it to be truly disciplinary you must use something such as a paddle, the backside of a hairbrush or a belt. A rich description of implements and techniques can be found through sites as The Disciplinary Wives Club. This site is a must for any wife who is really serious about introducing discipline into her relationship.

This kind of direct punishment is much more likely to affect the kinds of changes you want to see in your husband and is much more compassionate than the usual repertoir used by most wives. In most marriages a wife feels despair over certain of her husband habits or behaviors because she feels those behaviors have more power over her than she has over her husband. This depair leads her to “punish” her husband in indirect ways as I have mentioned. She pouts, she tries to ignore him, she rolls her eyes when he speaks, she gives him the silent treatment, she withholds her affection, she tells him he is not as good a husband as other men she knows, she may even threaten to leave him. The underlying dynamic here is that the only power the wife feels she has is the power to reject her husband. The ultimate weapon, then, is divorce.

Before you dismiss the idea of corporal punishment of you husband as weird or cruel or immoral, think seriously about this “normal” form of spousal control and think seriously about its effects. For most men the state of marriage (particularly monogamy) goes against the grain once they have passed the honeymoon phase. When they remain married they do so, they feel, out of a sense of obligation to their wife or children if there are any. That is a good thing but it means he feels he is doing you a favor by staying in the marriage and carrying out the duties of a husband and father. The threat of rejection hurts a lot more than the hardest of spankings and humiliates a lot more than the most embarrassing punishment. After a good, hard spanking, on the other hand, a husband feels both regret for the action that brought about the punishemnt and appreciation for the wife who has taken her time to give him the gift of correction.

When the husband feels the bottom line is rejection or its threat he resents his wife because, as I’ve said, he feels he is the one doing the favor by staying in the relationship. He will think to himself, If she thinks she can do so much better without me, let her try. He may even say this at times. And where do you go from there? Most women in a marriage, especially if there are children, feel even more trapped than their husbands. Because a mother’s commitment to her children is stronger than even the best of fathers and because she knows it is best for the children that the marriage stay together, most wives do not want to make good on their threat of rejection. This increases her despair and makes her feel even more powerless to affect her husband’s behavior.

A good, sound spanking, on the other hand, releases built up tensions and frustrations in a marriage and can actually be enjoyable for the wife. So, instead of feeling helpless and desparing, a wife can threaten a punishment she is more than willing to carry out and feel power and hope for her marriage instead. Additionally, her punishment of him will be loving as well as disciplinary.

As for the husband who has been spanked or threatened with spanking, he does not have the resentment he feels when the ultimate weapon is rejection. Instead, he feels truly sorry for whatever behavior brought on the punishment and truly appreciative of the wife who cares enough to discipline him. In fact, most wives I’ve talked with who engage in Domestic Discipine, including myself, require that the husbands thank them when a disciplinary measure has been completed.

Welcome | Toward a fantastic marriage | How to make him adore you | Punishment | Why this works | The moral advantages | The gift of hope | The specifics | About sex | My story | How will I know | Getting started | Faq’s

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Timothy Davis permalink
    July 6, 2013 5:44 am

    Speaking as a husband, your comments gave me much food for thought. My wife has often playfully smacked my bum – or pretended to punch/knee me between my legs. All as a ‘fun’ thing which she enjoys.

    We have a constant, loving relationship – but broken by arguments which leave me feeling miserable and isolated. She seems to use these times to be kind to me – and then suddenly unkind, with a deliberate clenched hand or knee jerk to my genitals.

    It’s late at night as I type, emotions exposed. I just needed to answer your post because it hit home for me.


  2. Anonomous permalink
    September 24, 2014 3:02 am

    I love my wife. I want to do the right thing by her and for her. When we have an argument then I feel bad and I don’t like feeling bad and I know that is selfish and I also don’t want her to feel bad. That’s one side of it. The next thing is a comment on punishment. You know when I was punished as a kid for something I did wrong then I actually felt relief. Like at the moment I was being punished I hated it. Depended on the punishment of course whether it was boring like extra chores or standing in the corner or painful from being caned. I hated it. But after it was over and I had gotten over it and stopped crying. I felt relief. Life started again afresh. Looking back on it I think it was a good way to rebalance things. Now I know that when one reads about punishment that most people or at least the vocal ones call most punishments and especially physical punishment to be abuse but I cant say that I look back and feel that. My parents loved me and I feel that somehow that love was conveyed through the punishment. So when I upset my wife. I would willingly and gladly bend over and have her cane me. I know it would hurt. It would be great if she would somehow let out her sadness through hitting my like that and likewise I would feel that I was somehow enduring the pain as a cost for hurting her. It may even serve as a deterrent to help me be more self controlled in the future. Alas she dismisses the idea of punishing me but then spends the nest few days giving me the cold shoulder. Is that not a punishment in its own way?

  3. September 30, 2014 2:44 am

    Punishment is critical in a Female Led relationship and I am so pleased to read your reasons why.

    For me the key fact about caning my husband is that he acknowledges my right to cane him and the necessity of my punishing him. He also knows that his punishment will last until I am certain my point has been made. If it is going to be a severe punishment he has to submit to the humiliation of being restrained.

    Of course he thanks me for his whipping before going to his corner. What else would he do. He knows he is loved and cherished and so he obeys. At our marriage we changed the vows. The minister was a bit surprised…and I walked half a pace ahead as we left. I whipped him for the first time on our wedding night before we began what has proven to be a delightful sex life.

    He says he is the luckiest guy in the world… And he is.

  4. jose permalink
    October 1, 2014 2:16 pm

    I have much to say about the dominant power of wife. For a better life wife should impose almost all the corporal punishment on husband.I should say all husbands sexualy enjoys wife’s punishments.Wife has to be a bit bold to say or speak about punishments.After two or three times he will be submissive and kneel down at her feet’.PL try , good luck.

  5. Jim permalink
    October 14, 2014 11:20 pm

    First of all, I hate it when my wife spanks me, but it”s part of our relationship. I’ll tell you how we first got into it, how she does it, and then I’ll confess to a little white lie that she has no clue about. (if she did, I’d have a permanently red butt)

    On the 3rd day of our honeymoon, more than 35 years ago, we got into an argument. I had seen my dad spank my mom multiple times, and both parents bared my bottom for really hard spankings, so it seemed natural. I grabbed her arm, pulled her kicking and screaming across my lap. Then I pulled down her panties and gave her about 30-40 good hand spanks on each cheek. She was totally devastated, which really was not my intent, as I did (and do) really love her. We didn’t speak much the rest of the day, but that night we were in bed. I was laying on my stomach, and I felt my underwear being pulled down. She whispered something in my ear that led me to believe I was going to have a good time afterall that night. Then she sat on my back, and pinned my arms against my sides with her legs. She then took a hairbrush to my backside for about 50 hard spanks on each cheek. When she stopped, she said she would double that if I didn’t immediately agree there would be no reprisals. And if there were any, she would immediately file for an annulment. I agreed.

    We talked for the next couple of hours and agreed I would never spank her again under any circumstances, but if she felt I needed it I would get it. That eventually led to a spanking on the first Saturday night of each month for the past many many years for my “transgressions” in the previous month. If I do something that particularly pisses her off, I can bet on getting one in between. That usually happens about once or twice a year. (OK, the last time was this morning, which is what prompted me to write this)

    So how does she do it? Well, first she makes me take off my pants and underwear. Then she pulls me across her lap for about 50 hard hand swats on each cheek. Then she stands me up and tells me to go get either the strap or the paddle. 90% of the time it’s the strap, which is the little whit lie I’ll tell you about in a minute.

    I bring down that weapon, and go over her knee again, I’ll get anywhere from 30-100 hard spanks on each cheek with it. I’ll be crying like a baby all the time.

    So what’s the lie? That strap hurts like hell, but the paddle hurts like DOUBLE HELL. But I’ve convinced her that the strap is by far the worst. I do that by really yelling and crying with each whack of the strap, and just a little whimpering with the paddle. It works, and she doesn’t know I’ve conned her. If she ever found out, my bottom would never recover. Unfortunately she still does use it at times, but thank god it’s at a minimum.

    The paddle she uses is a story of it’s own. It’s the same one my mom used on me and my twin sister many years ago. It was embarassing, but soon after our honeymoon we were over at my moms house and I said something not exactly politically correct. My wife knew exactly how my mom would take to me getting spanked in front of her, and she did it with a hair brush that was in her purse. Mom went out to the garage and came back with the dreaded paddle which was used to finish the job and for future use.

    LIke I said, I hate the spankings, and honestly don’t understand why some people like them, but this works for us, and I’ll just keep my little white lie going.

  6. Bobbie James permalink
    January 13, 2015 4:08 am

    Since the beginning of recorded history we have seen undeniable evidence that male dominance is evil, self absorbed, and for the most part based on sexual desires, conquests, or inadequacies. In religion it has caused the abject persecution of women in general accompanied by an insatiable lust to control, conquer, and manipulate other people. In politics and world affairs it has brought corruption, devastation, wars, and genocide. In business it causes greed, ruthless corporate take overs, monopolies, unfair labor practices, and a steadily decreasing quality of products and services. I would be all for a complete switch from our current system to one where females held the dominant role in all aspects of human life. I believe this would establish more peace, a generally healthy global environment, economic stability, and increased productivity. I base my beliefs on the changes I have seen within the walls of my own home since I have given over the power and control of our household to my wife. I have been married twice before, and was in the process of screwing things up with my current wife when the change finally came. In hind sight it is clear that I had become quite selfish in our relationship and had become what some might label as…well…a dick. I had a short temper, and would often say things that hurt my wife’s feelings and push her further away from the love that we once shared. It is the day by day adding up of these types of things that eventually land couples in divorce court.

    I was on a recent 2 week vacation when my wife and I had this long talk while lying in our bed at the end of a day. That conversation helped me to realize the totality of what my ego and temper had been doing to our relationship and that it could be much better if I could just get over those parts of my personality. It was then that my wife suggested that I let her lead the way and teach me to change the behaviors that were driving a wedge between us. Sentinel to this plan was the idea that I would have to submit to humiliating corporal punishments aimed at correcting my behavior whenever she deemed it necessary, and that I must submit to her with total faith and conviction that she would only make these decisions with a clear and level head, and when I fairly and objectively deserved it. I agreed and we set about making some rules and guidelines for she and I to follow. Since allowing this change into our life, we have been experiencing a richer more fulfilling relationship, and I have come to appreciate and love her more than ever. That first week and a half after affirming our new way of life my rear end was constantly red and sore. The pain that I walked around with was tangible evidence that made me realize how often I was acting horrible. I felt terrible that I had been so bad so frequently and the cognizance of this helped bring about changes in my behavior quickly. Although my wife makes sure that the pain from my punishments continues to be a deterrent to poor choices, there are other bigger factors to my motivation for change. One is the personal embarrassment that I am taking up her time and energy because I have to be bent over the side of the bed and punished like a child since I have once again acted like a child. Another is that the humiliation of having my ass bared and turned up into the air causes a stripping away of the harmful ego and attitudes that ultimately led me to find myself in that position in the first place. The spankings have also seemed to reconnect me with feelings and emotions that I have not allowed my self in many years. I now catch a tear coming down my face while watching a sad movie, or when listening to certain song lyrics. There was a time when I would have considered this very emasculating, but now I see it as re-humanizing me. It brings me down to earth and makes me feel wholisticly complete. My wife has seen these effects and believes that I should start getting regular spankings whether or not I have actually done anything wrong. Once again I agreed and now I get them on schedule just prior to bed time each and every night and sometimes randomly during the day when she has the time and desire. She has even given me the allowance to ask for them myself if I feel like I am starting to get into a bad mood or having an issue that might cause me to eventually get into real trouble anyway. These spankings are carried out ritualistically and include some elements of intimacy woven in, however, they are none the less applied with the same excruciating fervor and attention to detail as any other real spanking that I get. We both know that this is the only way for the spankings to bring about the desired effects and changes over time. In addition, each time I strip down and lay myself across her knees with my face mashed to the bed and my ass up in the air awaiting the onslaught I am symbolically showing loyalty to my wife and her dominance over me. With this act she knows that I still agree and that I am willing to work through my issues and make changes to be a better man for her. I affirm to her my realization that without this in our lives our relationship would not have lasted.

    Since this has all worked out so well we are now using a variety of nasty punishments that we have worked out together in order to help me to attain some of my own personal goals such as stopping my nail biting and loosing weight. We have just started these new focuses in the past week and I am already on target to achieve both of the goals. I hope your readers will take time to consider the benefits that I have found by allowing my wife to take control of me and lead me down the path to good change that female leadership could one day take the world.

  7. JAson permalink
    January 19, 2017 1:11 am

    I needed it and dated many glamorous women but only settled down happily with a woman who spanked me. She still canes me and paddles me although she now longer invites her friends to watch. That was confined to the time when she was still testing my submission. I am amazed at how much I do just because of her wishes. But it feels good. It really does.

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